The Gift
by NettieC
Summary: The greatest gift Harm will get this Christmas is if Mac wakes up. Her greatest gift is hearing those special words.


**_AN: Not mine - A jagified SVU story of mine._**

**The song is This Gift by 98 Degrees**

**_-Merry Christmas-_**

Mac grimaced as she listened to her CO reiterate his problems … namely her and Harm. This wasn't the first time he had cause for concern and, as he was admitting himself, it probably wouldn't be the last either. She listened as he tried to fit all the pieces together…how the events unfolded and jeopardised the lives of two of his finest officers, how the SecNav was demanding an explanation and demanding now.

She kept her silence as long as she could. As he was talking she carefully formulated her response.

She would tell him it was her fault.

She would tell him it had been freezing keeping watch on the street at nearly midnight.

She would tell him she was the one who was cold and Harm was just being chivalrous.

She would tell him wrapping her jacket around her tightly and allowing her partner to stand behind her and wrap his arms around her was her decision and she should have known better.

She would tell him not being able to get her gun quickly enough when they spotted the petty officer…and his gun…was her fault.

She would tell him everything…if she could only wake up.

It was obvious from the sounds and the smell around her she was in hospital, probably Bethesda. She knew Admiral Chegwidden was the only other person in the room and she knew he was talking more to himself than her.

"Damn it, Mac, you need to wake up…it's Christmas Day tomorrow, you can't sleep through it…you hear me?" There was a desperation in his voice she couldn't recall hearing before.

_Christmas Day tomorrow_ she repeated to herself, _tomorrow, it wasn't possible. _She and Harm were searching for their client on the night of the 19th, that would make it five days ago.

As her thoughts swirled rapidly she could still her AJ talking in the background. With the sickening drop of her stomach she thought of Harm – she couldn't reconstruct the events after the bullet tore through her and she fell heavily to the ground, knocking herself out instantly. Where was he? Had there been a second bullet, one she hadn't heard? Was he nearby in another ward? The morgue? That question in itself chilled her to the core…Harm couldn't be dead, could he?

She strained to listen to AJ, trying to catch a word or phrase which would indicate her partner's wellbeing but a combination of fatigue and medications kicked in and she blacked out.

Her next recollection was a hand holding hers, a gentle feeling of a thumb rubbing small circles around the back of her hand. She could feel her hand being lifted and touched to something warm; a face. She smiled; it was Harm.

Mac listened as Harm spoke in a quiet voice, so quiet she couldn't register most of what he was saying. Still, his gentle touch was soothing and it gave her comfort. When his touch stopped she caught her breath but then heard the door open and knew company had arrived. A few minutes later after a few touches and pulls on tubes the visitor departed and Harm's action resumed.

Slowly Harm's voice became louder and she could finally hear most of what he was saying. "Mac, you've got to wake up, honey…"

_Honey?_

"Babe, it's Christmas tomorrow…you have to wake up…for me…please," he begged. It had been the longest five days of his life.

_Babe?_

"AJ and Jimmy have made you the biggest Get Well – Christmas card you ever seen. I think they used every colour ever made. They wanted to come give it to you themselves but they don't allow kids in here…"

His voice trailed and though he was still talking Mac couldn't quite make it out. She noted his thumb had ceased making circles on her hand but was pleased when his hand began running up and down her forearm, going higher and higher each time. She pleaded for his hand to go up and caress her face…and in its own time it did.

"Mac, please wake up, baby." His hand was cupping her face, his breath dancing across her face.

_I am trying,_ she said to herself, _really I am!_ She was desperate to wake up and find out why he was calling her 'honey' and 'baby', desperate to see those clear blue eyes once more and lose herself in them.

"Mac, I'm so sorry you got hurt. I'd have given anything for it to be me and not you in this bed…"

_No!_ She wouldn't change places with him – never.

"…I should have protected you…should have … God, Mac … I need you to be okay, I need you to be better than okay, I can't even contemplate you not being here with me…I had plans for tomorrow…today actually, it's just gone midnight and Christmas is here. Plans which involved me coming over to your place, since you wouldn't come to mine, and telling you how much I want you…how much I love you…"

_Love? You love me? Love? Oh God…Harmon Rabb loves me…_ Mac's breathing increased, her body started to tremble.

"Mac...Mac…" She could hear him stand up, his hands now grasping hers. "It's alright…you can wake up…" She felt him reach for something and heard the click of the buzzer summoning help. She heard the quickening footsteps in the corridor, getting louder as they nearer her room.

"Something wrong, Commander?" the nurse asked briskly.

"I...I...um think she's waking up…her breathing increase and she began trembling," Harm reported.

The nurse made some observations, made some notes and spoke quietly. "I think you're right, sir. There are definite signs of improvement."

"Does that mean she'll wake up soon?" The desperate questioning tone in Harm's voice made her heart ache.

"I believe she will … It's just a matter of time," the nurse reported.

"Will she wake up in time for …um …Christmas?" he asked anxiously.

"That's up to her. Colonel MacKenzie will wake up as soon as she's ready…" she said.

_I'm ready now,_ Mac said to herself. _Really, I want to wake up now._

She heard the soft click – clicking of the nurse's shoes as she departed and she heard music play gently from an unknown source.

"I picked this song just for you, Sarah," he said almost breathlessly.

Mac listened intently.

_The snow is falling, the city is white  
Your eyes are shining like diamonds tonight  
And we're all alone, there's no one home  
You're fin'lly in my arms again_

_The night is silent, the moment is here  
I couldn't ask for more than having you near  
'Cause I love you, girl, and I always will  
And now I know the moment is right  
The moment is right_

_'Cause I've been waiting to give this gift tonight  
I'm down on my knees, there's no better time  
It's something to last for as long as you live  
Tonight, I'm gonna give you  
All my heart can give_

_I thought I'd give you something shiny and new  
I tried to find something worthy of you  
But I realized when I looked inside  
There's some things that money can't buy  
Oh, no_

_I feel the magic whenever you're near  
I feel it even on this time of the year  
'Cause I love you, girl, I always will  
And now I know the moment is right  
The moment is right_

_You know I'll always be true to you  
And you know I'm the one you can turn to  
Oh, yeah  
Anytime, anyplace, or anywhere  
You know that I'll always be there  
Oh, baby_

She felt the bed dip as Harm moved beside her. She knew he was painfully close to the edge but she was glad he was there. She felt one arm drape gently across her body and the other one rest on her pillow, playing with her hair. She realised he must be lying beside her, propped up on an elbow. She sighed deeply.

Last Christmas this was what she had desperately wanted – to be in his arms, in his heart, to be loved by him. She knew now the moment was right. With every last ounce of energy and willpower she forced her eyes open and was instantly rewarded.

"Merry Christmas, Mac, I love you," Harm said before gently kissing her forehead.

"Oh baby," she croaked, "Love you too."

-H&M-


End file.
